Book Review: Embracing Obscurity [guest post]

We're really excited about having other folks jump on board with writing for our blog.  Our first guest author is Lisa Hajda (Amelia's mom).  She wrote the following review for her own blog and is sharing it with Theology in Real Life.  Thanks!

When Joey, Tim and I went to the National Desiring God Conference in September, we naturally picked up a LOT of new reading material. Some of these books we purchased and some we were given. When I got home, I thought that I would delve into some of the books I had intentionally acquired, but the one I ended up finishing first was a freebie: Embracing Obscurity by Anonymous. This book was, indeed, penned anonymously by an author who claims that “we’re intoxicated with a desire to be known, recognized, appreciated, and respected” and that “our intoxication draws us away from our Maker and His mission.”

So, what did I think about this book? Well, there were some things I liked:

1. I think that the topic is exceptionally timely. Everywhere I look, I see people striving to be “better known” or more influential, especially, especially on the internet;

2. The author constructed a very interesting chart comparing Christ’s disposition of humility vs. Satan’s disposition of pride and their subsequent outcomes;

3. There is an emphasis on God’s ultimate, eternal significance (vs. a temporary, fading significance) that we receive when we join our lives to His and that there’s a difference between feeling significant because we are needed or because we can do something for someone and being significant because God delights in us–in us, not what we can do for Him;

4. There is also acknowledgment that in the trenches of “little sufferings” (demotions, hard breaks, layoffs, menial jobs, etc.), we learn to “defer to God our dreams of being well-known, respected, and admired.”

There were also a couple of things that I didn’t like:

1. I am used to the casual language of blog posts. I do not like to hear that “blog voice” coming from the pages of a book. It was very distracting to me and I felt like the message was diluted at times by this informal presentation;

2. I am very wary of the promotion of any one course of action being more spiritual than any other course of action. Perhaps this was not the author’s intention, but I got the feeling that I should be preferring obscurity over (worldly) significance by the time I finished the book. The bottom line for me is that I want to be embracing Jesus Christ, by God’s grace. Then I am able to hear the leading of the Holy Spirit in my life. His voice will let me know what He wants me to do, whether that involves obscurity or notoriety.

So, if you are exhausted because you are striving for significance in some area of your life, this book might offer some practical help. Otherwise, I did not consider this one of the top reads of my year. And, now…on to the next book!

On some Mondays

On some Mondays I wish someone would say:

You can't keep your sink empty and the floors scrubbed and have time to read fifteen books to your toddler.

You can't keep all of the laundry caught up and all of the socks matched perfectly and make meals for everybody.

You can't read five chapters in your John Adams biography and sew matchy-matchy outfits for the kids and upload one billion edited pictures to Facebook.

You can't keep food off of the kids' clothes and off of their faces and out of their hair.

You can't work on making your house all organized and consistently discipline your tantrum-pitching two-year-old and keep on holding your teething nine-month-old.

You simply cannot do it all.  

You have a limited amount of time in a day.

You are only one person.

Wait.  Doesn't Someone already say that?

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Come to Me.  

Not to another to-do list.  Not to another yippy-skippy You Can Be Better/Happier/Prettier/Skinnier/Cleaner blog post.  Not to another craft project or another discipline method or another escape from responsibility.  Come to Me.

This week I'm lowering my expectations and praying that my focus can be on what Jesus wants of me.  Because fulfilling the responsibilities he gives is so much lighter and so much easier than trying to be All Things to All People.

(Especially People Who Exist Only In My Whispering Thoughts.)

We do what we can and then we rest in grace.

Holly Gerth (in)courage 10/19/12

(I know that you've been seeing a lot of me lately on ye old blog, and I promise you that Steve does still exist.  I'm just picking up the extra writing slots lately since he has been working lots of overtime, and doing school-catch up after an unplanned trip to California.  Don't worry...he'll be back.)

Theology for Toddlers: Harriet's Top Five

When Harriet was born, I thought: Oh my goodness!  Steve and I are responsible not only for her physical well-being, but also to share biblical truth with her.  Sometimes that thought is terrifying (and that's when I am reassured by the fact that it's not up to me to bring her to salvation) and sometimes it's really exciting (how much better can it get to share truth about God and his Word with a small person?).  Since Harriet is an excessively busy, insightful, and thinking two-year-old, I am always on the scout for tools that we can use to incorporate the Bible into our day-to-day lives.  I like to find resources that really focus our attention at a particular time of day, such as age-appropriate devotions at breakfast.  And I also get really excited about resources that we can use to keep Scripture and biblical principles in our minds throughout the day - like Scripture memory songs and using verses in home decor.

So, without further ado, here are Harriet's top five picks*:

Number 5: Veggie Tales

This is the latest greatest Harriet obsession  craze.  It has been fun to watch the older episodes of Veggie Tales again and remember how they really did do a decent job of retelling Bible stories and in presenting biblical principles.  (You've got to love the honesty of the Rumor Weed when she says, "I'm just asking because I care."  Ouch.)  We tend to avoid the newer episodes since they are just kind of...not terribly focused.  But it has been neat to talk about Where's God When I'm Scared and to jam out together on The Bellybutton Song.  

Number 4: The Donut Man

I grew up listening to and watching the Donut Man, so when Harriet started loving the Donut Man movies it was a total blast from the past.  Yes, I'll readily admit that watching a guy dance around in colored overalls and major 90s glasses is kind of silly, but the songs are fun, catchy, and, best of all, have really good content.  We particularly enjoy the Resurrection Celebration DVD and we also love listening to the King of Kings album.  In addition to delightful praise choruses and teaching songs, the Donut Man also includes lots of action songs to recount biblical stories.  And toddlers like Harriet need action songs.  Now you can get two Donut Man episodes on one DVD.  Yay!

Number 3: Thoughts to Make Your Heart Sing 

by Sally Lloyd-Jones, illustrated by Jago

When I saw that the author and illustrator of The Jesus Storybook Bible (see Number 1) were collaborating yet again on this devotional book, I was thrilled.  Each page spread contains a brief, yet meaty, devotional thought, and vibrant pictures that keep a busy toddler engaged, and a relevant verse or two. In the author's note, Sally Lloyd-Jones writes:

These thoughts are to remind you of things that are true.  They aren't meant to be read all at once - just one a day.  They come from the Bible - the place where God has told you all these magnificent things about how he loves you and how you can love him.  Sometimes I wrote for people who already know what it is to come home to God.  Other times I wrote for people who are just finding out.  You listen to whatever God wants to say to you.

When we read one devotional each morning at breakfast, I'm convinced that I'm getting just as much out of it as Harriet.  Simple and clear without being "dumbed down," this book is really quite fantastic.

Number 2: Hide 'Em In Your Heart Volumes 1-2, Hide 'Em In Your Heart Worship 

sung by Steve Green

 Harriet loves these albums and I can't say enough good things about them.  Thanks to the catchy tunes and listening to them many many times a day, Harriet and I have an arsenal of verses committed to memory.  (I love love love that these albums are pleasant for grown-ups.  Thank you, intelligent composers and Steve Green!)  Both Steve and I grew up listening to the Hide 'Em In Your Heart tapes and watching the corresponding movies, so it is super-cool to for us to sing the verses with Harriet - plus her grandparents and aunts and uncles on both sides of the family also know the tunes.  How fun is that?

Number 1: The Jesus Storybook Bible 

by Sally Lloyd-Jones, illustrated by Jago

How do I begin to extol the virtues of this children's Bible? We have read The Jesus Storybook Bible all the way through to Harriet about three times now, and every time we finish we start again the next day.  Combining lyrical language and stunning illustrations, this Bible communicates the truth that the whole of Scripture points to Jesus - from the beginning to the end.   Repeated phrases such as God's "Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love," and consistent reference to Jesus as "The Rescuer" make concepts easy for young children to grasp and also touch the heart of the adult readers in new ways.  I find myself being so excited about The Jesus Storybook Bible because it is teaching Harriet theological concepts that I didn't comprehend until I was in my twenties - and she can have them impressed upon her heart now.  Goosebumps!

I'm sure that we'll discover more gems along the way as our children grow and we seek to supply them with resources that will further their understanding of and relationship with God.

So, what resources do you particularly enjoy using with young children?

*We've been listing to waaaay too many Dice Tower podcasts lately...ahem, Steve....

How family can picture the gospel to each other

Last night Steve told me that what I do...or what I don't do...in the course of a day doesn't make a difference to him.  In other words, our relationship and the harmony we experience as husband and wife and bestest friends does not depend on if the dishes are done, or if the laundry baskets are empty, or if I've made homemade Cheez-its with whole wheat flour, or if the kids have clean faces.  Those things are all fine and good, but when it comes to his acceptance of me and love for me, they don't even remotely factor into the equation.  At the end of a four-day work rotation, those were the words I needed to hear.  In fact, I need to hear them every day, multiple times a day, over and over, so that my stubborn works-based flesh will fully grasp what it means to be loved and accepted regardless of my actions.  (God knew exactly what he was doing when he put Steve and me together.)

God gives us familial relationships like husband/wife and parent/child to give us an everyday revelation into who he is.  Scripture is full of this imagery.  It's like a picture, a "snapshot from his camera,"* to help us understand our relationship with him.

When Steve, as my husband, is expressing his unconditional love for me, he is reminding me that our relationship is a symbol of the permanent, secure, unconditional relationship that I have with God through Christ...a relationship that is based on a covenant and not on my actions: "But when the goodness of and loving-kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy...." (Titus 3:4-5)

When I, as a parent, tell Harriet that I love her when she is sad or silly or happy or serious or mad or even naughty, I am laying a foundation for her to (I hope) understand the unconditional love that God has for her: "See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called the children of God; and so we are." (1 John 3:1)

When we offer the "blessing of belonging,"** to family members who have landed into a sticky situation or are struggling with the consequences of sin, we are emphasizing that "...nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:39)

When we relate to our spouses, our children, our parents, our siblings, our grandparents, our families in a grace-filled, loving, serving, faithful way we are pointing back to the God who is grace and love and faithfulness and who manifested his magnificent servanthood in the person of Jesus Christ.  We are living out the results of the gospel in our lives and, in turn, are picturing the gospel - the good news - to those in our families.

*Thoughts to Make Your Heart Sing devotional by Sally Lloyd-Jones
** Oh, How Good It Is song by Keith and Kristyn Getty

O Sleeper... Go ahead and keep sleeping.

O Sleeper... Go ahead and keep sleeping.

Their God fights for them

And when they learned that the ark of the LORD had come to the camp, the Philistines were afraid, for they said, “A god has come into the camp.” And they said, “Woe to us! For nothing like this has happened before! Woe to us! Who can deliver us from the power of these mighty gods?” 1 Samuel 4:6-8

You shall not fear them, for it is the LORD your God who fights for you. Deuteronomy 3:22

In the place where you hear the sound of the trumpet, rally to us there. Our God will fight for us. Nehemiah 4:20

In Small Gods, Sir Terry Pratchett discusses the case of the novice minister of Om, Brutha, who hears the voice of the Great God Om calling to him. Finding himself incarnated in the form of a tortoise, Om bosses Brutha throughout the regions surrounding Omnia, trying to figure out why he had not come in a more impressive form- why he was suddenly such a small god.

Sorry if that spoils the plot for you, I think you would learn that much of it from the back of the book (or the dust sleeve, if you have a hardcover copy). I should offer a bit of a spoiler alert for the final paragraphs of this post, though. I am looking at a scene from the end of the story, which relates to the verses I quoted above.

Om at the height of his power enters the hall of the gods on the mountain of Cori Celesti. He finds the gods of the Ephebians and Tsorteans, whose worshippers are establishing a beachhead in a retaliatory invasion of Omnia, gathered around the great board game of the gods, playing with men instead of pieces (but still using dice- it’s not a Eurogame, I guess). A lone fisherman of a tiny tribe, who have been completely isolated from the rest of the world, has been caught up in the conflict, and Om meets his people’s god, a large newt named P’tang-P’tang.

Om looked at the figure of the little fisherman.
“When he dies, you’ll have fifty worshippers,” he said.
“That more or less than fifty-one?”
“A lot less.” …

He said, to the occult world in general, “There’s a people going to die down there.”A Tsortean God of the Sun did not even bother to look round.“That’s what they’re for,” he said. In his hand he was holding a dice box that looked very much like a human skull with rubies in the eye-sockets.

“Ah, yes,” said Om. “I forgot that, for a moment.” He looked at the skull, and then turned to the little Goddess of Plenty.
“What’s this, love? A cornucopia? Can I have a look? Thanks.”
Om emptied some of the fruit out, then he nudged the Newt God.
“I was you, friend, I’d find something long and hefty,” he said.
“Is one less than fifty-one?” said P’tang-P’tang.
“It’s the same,” said Om firmly. He eyed the back of the Tsortean God’s head.
“But you have thousands,” said the Newt God. “You fight for thousands.”
Om rubbed his forehead. I spent too long down there, he thought. I can’t stop thinking at ground level.
“I think,” he said, “I think, if you want thousands, you have to fight for one.” He tapped the Solar God on the shoulder. “Hey, sunshine?”
When the God looked around, Om broke the cornucopia over his head.

It was at this point that I was reminded of the passages I quoted above. I think that in Small Gods, Pratchett reminded me of the importance of this truth, that God did not simply have his people go fight battles for him. He fought for them. The God of the Bible showed his glory and proved his supremacy by redeeming a people for his name and establishing them as a kingdom of priests by his might. I think that this is what human beings really wished their gods would do. Instead, we find what is illustrated throughout Small Gods, that worshippers are called on to conquer infidels in order to prove their god’s supremacy with their own blood.

How wonderful it is that this truth extends even more powerfully to the redemption we see after the Cross.

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Romans 8:31-32

D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones on prayer

I was having a remarkable hour-without-anybody-talking-to-me the other evening, so I opened up a book of D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones sermons on 1 John and started reading.  And I read this:

...In a situation of difficulty and of crisis, the first thing we must do is make sure that we have grasped the New Testament teaching.  I do not want to be controversial, and I am particularly anxious not to be misunderstood, but if I may put it in a phrase, in order to call attention to what I have in mind, I would say that in a situation of crisis the New Testament does not immediately say, 'Let us pray.'  It always says first, 'Let us think, let us understand the truth, let us take a firm hold of doctrine.'  ...Prayer is sometimes an excuse for not thinking, an excuse for avoiding a problem or situation.

Have we not all known something of this in our personal experience?  We have often been in difficulty and we have prayed to God to deliver us, but in the meantime we have not put something right in our lives as we should have done.   Instead of facing the trouble, and doing what we knew we should be doing, we have prayed.  I suggest that at a point like that, our duty is not to pray but to face the truth, to face the doctrine and to apply it....

I mean something like this: if the whole attitude of the Christian in any situation of crisis or difficulty were just to be immediately one of prayer, then these New Testament epistles with all of their involved teaching would never have been necessary.

Then I sat there, and pondered these paragraphs because they seemed both contradictory to the typical teaching on Christian prayer and yet completely true.

Am I ever tempted to use prayer as a "cop out" for actually addressing an issue in my own life?  Is it easier to say, "I'll just pray about it," instead of actually bringing God's truth to someone in difficulty?  Am I afraid that God isn't going to hold up his end of the deal?

Are my prayers "educated," as it were, by the doctrinal truths of the New Testament, so that they are congruent to what God desires?

Do I place more spiritual weight on my ability to pray than on what God has already revealed in his Word?

Something to ponder on this Columbus day.

Small [g]ods

I read Going Postal about three years ago, and since then I have bought or borrowed one of Terry Pratchett’s semi-satirical fantasy novels on a regular basis. Since Amelia and her family share in this literary revelry, it has been a fun way to fellowship. I also find that many of Pratchett’s little novels have a charmingly serious side to them, and none more so than Small Gods.
Pratchett’s novels are set in the Discworld universe, in which the Discworld floats through space on the back of four elephants who are on the back of a humongous turtle. The “greatest” city of this world is Ankh-Morpork, which is where most of the books are set and where the regular characters live. However, a few of the books take place chiefly outside Ankh-Morpork, including the first two books, Pyramids, and Small Gods, which I recently finished. There are lots of ways to categorize Pratchett’s books, but one thing I have noticed is that, the farther from Ankh-Morpork and its familiar characters the books go, the more the gods of the series seem to play a role in what is happening.
In Small Gods (1992), Pratchett takes us across the Circle Sea to the desert theocracy (ecclesiocracy would be better) of Omnia. The place is ruled and inhabited by worshipers of the Great God Om, who ostensibly has spoken through his prophets on numerous occasions to bless his people with hundreds of commandments, complex sacrifices, heavy tithes, and countless inventive torture devices operated by the efficient Quisitors, who help everyone along the road to sanctification in their special way. At a position near the bottom of this whole scheme is the novice monk Brutha, who meets Om in his cabbage patch in the form of a very wrathful tortoise. They have adventures, thus the story.
I am not exactly aiming to review the book, but I do want to think about how Terry Pratchett set up his religious institution and the god who lay behind it all. At the moment I am thinking about the Omnians at the beginning of the book. In Small Gods Pratchett dives head-first into the question of religion in a way I have not seen him do in other places, and it gives us a little window into his understanding of religious life, the universe, and everything.
The Church of Om is clearly modeled on the pre-Reformation Catholic church. The Citadel, which functions as a center of both government and worship for Omnia, is not unlike the Vatican. The church leaders drag their soldiers (or their carcasses) across the desert on worthless crusades, upsetting all of Omnia’s neighbors on a regular basis. When people start getting funny ideas about the world being flat on the back of a tortoise (Om told one of his prophets it was spherical), they have their sins and ideas purged away by the Quisition. It is nothing new to see a writer declaring the hypocrisy of religion on account of these episodes, and Pratchett deals especially with the idea of religious torture for the remission of sins. I expected a simple atheistic judgment to be made- “See! Religion just breeds horrible suffering and writes off the terrible crimes of the church! We atheists are so much more understanding than those hypocrites! We don’t need God to tell us not to torture people!” It surprised me to see the author dig into the humanity of the Inquisitors as he entered their lair:

It has to be said…* there was little to laugh at in the cellar of the Quisition. Not if you had a normal sense of humor. There were no jolly little signs saying: You Don’t Have To Be Pitilessly Sadistic To Work Here But It Helps!!!
But there were things to suggest to a thinking man that the Creator of mankind had a very oblique sense of fun indeed, and to breed in his heart a rage to storm the gates of heaven.
The mugs, for example. The inquisitors stopped work twice a day for coffee. Their mugs, which each man had brought from home, were grouped around the kettle on the hearth of the central furnace which incidentally heated the irons and knives.
They had legends on them like A Present From the Holy Grotto of Ossory, or To The World’s Greatest Daddy…
And it all meant this: that there are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that cannot easily be duplicated by a normal, kindly family man who just comes in to work every day and has a job to do.
Vorbis loved knowing that. A man who knew that, knew everything he needed to know about people. (pp. 14-15)

*This ellipsis is original.
I felt that throughout the book Pratchett showed similar insight into how so many of the excesses of evil we see in the world are brought about by men. There are not just those few societal misfits who happen to be truly wicked while the rest of us get on with living decently. Rather, we are unlikely to encounter any of those few people who truly desire to do what is right, who will do so even if it brings pain or difficulty to their life. The view of man we get echoes the truth:

None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one. Their throat is an open grave; they use their tongues to deceive. The venom of asps is under their lips. Their mouth is full of curses and bitterness. Their feet are swift to shed blood; in their paths are ruin and misery, and the way of peace they have not known. There is no fear of God before their eyes. (Romans 3:10-18)

A related note is that in Small Gods, the only one who truly lives righteously, who refuses a wicked means to a good end and chooses to act righteously when it could bring him great harm, does so by his simple faith in his god and with the help of his god. Who happens to be a tortoise.
The book is worthy of a read, though it is one of the least light-hearted (though by no means the least funny) of Terry Pratchett’s books I have read so far. Not only are there times where Small Gods parallels the truth, as in this example of man’s everyday depravity, but there are also helpfully poignant pictures of the silliness of man-made religion and the lewdness of hypocrisy, paralleling the falsehoods that fill our world.

Joshua: All God's Good Promises Bible Study

I've had the opportunity to do many different Bible studies over the past ten years or so:  group studies,  personal studies, thematic studies, book studies, word studies, inductive studies.  God has used each of these studies to impact my thinking and change my life, but I can definitely say that some studies just fit my learning style and particular spiritual need at the time.  For example, Nancy Leigh DeMoss' A Thirty Day Walk with God in the Psalms was the ideal introduction to establishing a regular discipline of Bible study.  Later on at Cornerstone Bible Institute, Myrna Alexander's Behold Your God: Studies on the Attributes of God was exceptionally impacting as I studied it personally and led a group study using the material.

I believe that Joshua: All God's Good Promises by Kathleen Nielson is a study that will be joining the favorites on my shelf.  Mom and I heard Dr. Nielson at TGC Women's Conference in June and were excited by her ability to clearly present the Word of God.  (Maybe it's because she's an English teacher who used Who, What, When, Where, Why, and How as her message outline and Mom and I just think that way to begin with.) All of her studies on Revelation were sold out after she spoke (figures), but we got a hold of Joshua and have been working through it in a small group since September.

Why this study works

I'm excited about Joshua: All God's Good Promises for several reasons:

First, the organization of the study is ideal for someone like me who has limited time, but still wants to engage her mind daily in scripture.  Each chapter of the study tackles 2-3 chapters from the book of Joshua and addresses the specific themes and events addressed in those chapters over the course of a five day period.  For example, Day 1 asks the reader to read through the assigned chapters and make some preliminary questions.  Day 2 digs deeper into the historical context.  Days 3-4 look at how the chapters in Joshua relate to other parts of the Bible.  Day 5 shows how the themes found in Joshua directly correspond with the Person of Jesus Christ or Christian principles found in the New Testament.  With three to four questions for each day I can easily make the study happen consistently with no more than a half hour each day...even when my kids are crazy.  No more I'm-too-busy-I'm-a-mom excuses for me!

Second, the tone of the study is really excellent.  Dr. Nielson asks guiding questions which encourage the reader to dig deeply and make personal discoveries without the fear of writing a "wrong answer."  She leaves room for people of all levels of Bible knowledge to answer with confidence.  I never feel like she is standing behind me saying, "Is that really a good enough answer?" or "If you get this wrong, you'll miss all of my later conclusions" or things like that.  In fact, I don't hear her voice at all, which is really the best because I'm wanting to study the book of Joshua...and not feel like I'm being graded.  I'm able to get "something out of it" even on days when my brain is completely fried.

Finally, Dr. Nielson's use of context and whole biblical themes is incredible.  As I'm sure you'll agree, the story of Joshua is very familiar.  It's in every children's Bible and is taught in every Sunday School and is even acted out by singing talking vegetables.  But, in doing this study, I am learning new things about the historical and thematic context of Joshua every single day - stuff that I never would have thought of having such a tremendous role in the story of God's faithfulness to the Israelites.  In each chapter we reach back into the Abrahamic covenant to see what God has promised the people hundreds of years before and we identify how he is faithfully keeping his promises to the nation of Israel and then we discover how God fulfills those promises to a greater and more glorious degree for us today in Jesus Christ.  It is so exciting and beautiful.

Joshua: All God's Good Promises has ten lessons and includes a guide for group leaders.  I highly recommend this study and look forward to completing more of her studies in the future.

Servanthood vs. Martyrdom

(Blogger is telling me that "servanthood" isn't a word...is that true?  The Merriman-Webster online dictionary thinks otherwise.)

So, yes, servanthood.  I've been thinking a lot about servanthood lately because God used this past week to reveal that so much of the time my genuine desire to serve people is actually self-exalting martyrdom.  And it's not pretty. 

"I do everything for everyone ALL of the time," I inwardly wail.  Adding a sweet baby to the scenario of keeping up a house and husband intensifies my heart of a martyr: "No one else has to ever care for her as much as I do and I have to feed her all of the time." And you know what's funny?  While I engage in The Internal Running Dialog of Ultimate Sacrifice, I continue to shove my hands into sudsy dishwater or run to the laundry room to pull out another load of clothes from the dryer...just because I want someone to notice and applaud my (obviously) superhuman efforts.

The truth is that it feels good (i.e. satisfies my stinky ol' flesh) to pat myself on the head and say what a good little sacrificial girl I'm being today.  And it's even better when someone says, "Oh great Amelia!  We couldn't survive without you!"  But is that really serving my dear husband and baby from a heart of love?  Nope.  What it really comes down to is Pride.  That's the difference between serving from a heart of a martyr and serving from a heart of love.

Then I think about how Jesus Christ was the ultimate servant:

...even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.  (Matthew 20:28)

And in love he emptied himself so that he could fully serve:

...though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.  (Philippians 2:5-8)

 Jesus served and spent himself to the point of death...in love and in joy. 

But what about me?  Is there any hope of really serving from love and in joy?  Can the martyr complex really be eradicated?

We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin. Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. (Romans 6:6-8)

Because Jesus served and died, my prideful self is no longer enslaved to sin.  I don't have to be a martyr when I face another day of dishes and laundry and baby care.  Through daily reliance on his abundant grace I can serve freely and truly from a heart of love.

Aren't you glad that Jesus really paid it all?  Are you continually amazed at how his death and resurrection makes all the difference in how we live every single day?  I am. 

(And I'm glad that Jesus wasn't a martyr.)

Reposted from the Amelia is Rabbit archives.

Edmund likes the Autumn. Praise the Lord for four seasons!

Edmund likes the Autumn. Praise the Lord for four seasons!

Meditation

We have some idea, perhaps, what prayer is, but what is meditation? Well we may ask; for meditation is a lost art today, and Christian people suffer grievously from their ignorance of the practice.  Meditation is the activity of calling to mind, and thinking over, and dwelling on, and applying to oneself, the various things that one knows about the works and ways and purposes and promises of God.  It is an activity of holy thought, consciously performed in the presence of God, under the eye of God, by the help of God, as a means of communion with God.  Its purpose is to clear one's mental and spiritual vision of God, and to let His truth make its full and proper impact on one's mind and heart.  It is a matter of talking to oneself about God and oneself; it is, indeed, often a matter of arguing with oneself, reasoning oneself out of moods of doubt and unbelief into a clear apprehension of God's power and grace.  Its effect is to humble us, as we contemplate God's greatness and glory, and our own littleness and sinfulness, and to encourage and reassure us - 'comfort' us in the old, strong, Bible sense of the word - as we contemplate the unsearchable riches of divine mercy displayed in the Lord Jesus Christ. 

- J.I. Packer, Knowing God 

Small Sanctification

"It's been a long time since I felt like I was really depending on God for everything," Steve says to me as we're driving home in the dark.

I glance towards the back seat where the kids are finally asleep after screaming simultaneously for the last forty minutes. 

"Really?" I say, incredulously.  "Maybe you should stay home with the kids tomorrow."

My mom always says that children are the best sanctification acceleration tool...a definite bump up from marriage...because when a person is parenting small children suddenly all self-absorbed desires and plans and expectations take a major hike.  When I'm parenting multiple small children, I feel like those "me" desires take a hike to the Antarctic. 

And every single day I find myself praying for grace to make the right decisions, to be consistent in discipline, to stay focused on what's really necessary, to not admit myself to the nearest insane asylum so at least I can take a nap.  In the hurry-blurry moments that come and go with a two-year-old and a six-month-old, God's grace is evident when:

• An intense moment of marital fellowship turns into a constructive discussion on parenting consistently
• We squash the Perfectionism Bug and let good friends spend the night at our house on short notice
• I don't run screaming from the bedroom when, at 2am, one child is nursing incessantly and the other child is sleeping on top of me and I am seriously wondering who thought Attachment Parenting was a good idea
• Harriet's attitude does a 180 degree turn as soon as we sit down to read books together
• Both children nap at the same time so I can finish a Bible study worksheet
• I find a package of pancake mix in the pantry when I thought there was nothing for breakfast
• My sweet sisters eagerly and willingly watch Harriet and Edmund

There are many more instances, I'm sure, but this is what comes to my minimal-sleep-latte-buzzed brain right now.  I'm grateful.  Really.

What devotions look like these days

The cell phone alarm vibrates under my pillow and before I can direct my floundering fingers to the Snooze, the whispers begin:

Get up, you lazy bum!  You've got to get your Quiet Time in before the kids wake up!  Be honest: if you don't do it now, you NEVER will.  And then how will you be a good example to them?

I slide out from beside the snoring Edmund, pray that Harriet's eyeballs will stay closed, and fumble my way through the dark closet in hopes of finding something socially acceptable to wear.

Don't put that gross shirt on!  You've got to wear something feminine and cute if you are going to FEEL feminine and cute today...and you know that's what you're supposed to do for your husband.

After the speediest shower in the west, each moment straining my ears for the sound of the slightest whimper from the bedroom, I don my cute-r clothes and sneak into the living room.  There is the black computer screen to my right and...where is my Bible?  In the car from Sunday...I'll have to find Steve's...I hope I can remember which Daily Reading I need to read...was it Psalm 45 or 46?  I glance at the calendar and try to count it out on my fingers.

Don't even think about the computer.  Don't you know that what you think about the most every day reflects what you worship?  You've got to have your devotions FIRST or your brain will be clogged up with Facebook and Pinterest feeds and emails.

I plop down on the couch with a bowl of homemade granola drenched in coconut milk (gotta keep the digestive system in check) and flip Steve's gigantor ESV Study Bible open to the Psalms.  It has to be Psalm 46, I think.  After a quick Please-Show-Me-Something prayer, I begin to read.

Are you meditating enough?  You are reading too fast.  Slow down.  You'll be done in only 10 minutes.

Just because you don't know the meaning of that passage doesn't mean that you should skip over it.  Look at the notes...but what if those notes aren't the RIGHT interpretation? How will you ever know exactly the perfect answer?

Don't let your brain go there.  Don't doubt God purposes and lovingkindness.  Keep on track.  Don't wander into questioning the role of suffering in the universe...how will you get revved up for your day if you are feeling like God is such a big ol' meanie?  

Stop thinking about Facebook.  Stop thinking about your lists.  Stop thinking about the smell of dog poop and the dirty diapers and the pants you need to hem.  THINK ABOUT GOD!  DO YOUR DEVOTIONS!

"But I don't like it!"

I'm shocked to hear my own voice say the words that I have been suppressing for days, weeks, even years.  It's undeniably true: every morning I dread the spiral of second-guessing, the reminder of my complete inadequacy, and the tightrope of keeping the correct mental "devotional" state.  

The kids are still sleeping (because apparently today isn't the day to get up at the slightest crack of dawn) and I stare at the wall not knowing what to do next.

Then, quietly, out of the temporary mental stalemate, comes the phrase:
I am accepted, therefore I obey.

I am accepted, therefore I obey.  How easy it is to nod my head in agreement and say, Amen!  But does that apply in Real Life?  Is it really absolutely true? 

And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by naturechildren of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith.And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:1-10)

I am accepted, therefore I will spend time in God's Word without feeling like I'm walking a mental tightrope.

I am accepted, therefore I not be afraid to ask the hard questions and seek truth.

I am accepted, therefore I will not feel bad if I only have time to read one verse before the kids wake up.

I am accepted, therefore I can be a tired and distracted mother-of-two-under-two without self-condemnation.

I am accepted, therefore I am free to follow the Spirit's leading in matters of personal relationships and responsibilities (and if Steve really and truly cares what shirt I'm wearing and if homemade granola is really more spiritual than store-bought).

I am accepted, therefore I will show my children the reality of a relationship with God, not the glossed over version.

I am accepted, therefore I will not think that my right standing before God is based on the quality of my Quiet Time.

I am accepted not because of anything I have done (ever!) but because of the immeasurable riches of His grace in kindness toward me in Christ Jesus.  It is His gift. 

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. (Romans 8:1-2)

I am accepted, therefore the whispers are silenced.

The Idol of Predictability

Just for the record, I hate change.

I hate change of Big Plans, like how in the world I'm going to finish up my degree in Children's Ministry when I have to take the remaining 16 credit hours on a campus that is 6 hours away from my house.  I hate how this change will alter my plans for the fall and spring.  I'm left hanging without a solution.

I hate change of Small Plans, like when I'm going to be able to do the dishes or read my Bible when the children will not nap consistently at all.  I am constantly adjusting and readjusting my day and it's exhausting.

I hate changes in Relationships, like when people you thought were your friends, your Christian friends, don't seem to be that way any more.  Or when people who appeared to have it all together seem to be falling apart and denying what they previously stood for.  I am always and forever untangling this knotted mess of what was and what should be and I can never find the end of the thread.

I'm afraid of potential changes, like what if someone in my family (one of my kids!) gets really sick or is in an accident, or what if the Best Laid Plans of Steve and Amelia never come to fruition and we end up being Carl and Ellie from Up after all?

It's a tension that sits in my stomach for days and results in a complete lack of appetite and a desire for any temporary diversion possible.

But do you know what, my silly soul?  God hates idols more than I hate change.

So many times the Idol of Predictability is what I worship: the control, the routine, the sameness, the ability to measure my success (yes, even sanctification) by how strictly I've adhered to some daily planner or Real Food menu or give and take in relationships.  It's a sneaky idol that peeks in among all of the good things that planning and organizing can accomplish.  But it's there, nevertheless, and God will have none of it.  As my mom and I say, "God loves us too much to let ____ (job, fitness, intelligence, reputation, perfectionism) become an idol."

This world is forever changing.  God does not change.  I want to care more about worshiping and delighting in the Unchanging One than in working so hard (and worrying so futilely) to keep my life from changing.

And then, by his grace, the Big Changes and the Little Changes and the Relationship Changes and the Future Changes will be all wrapped up into his great plan of loving me and glorifying himself.

The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever.  Do not forsake the work of your hands.

Psalm 138:8